“Loneliness does not come from being alone. It comes from being unable to communicate the things that seem important.”
If you’re human, then you’ve experienced loneliness and the feeling of longing for deep and meaningful connections.
Like it or not, loneliness is a part of the mixed bag of emotions that we’re handed as we traverse this life journey. We don’t talk about it much in day-to-day conversation and it’s not something we necessarily want to shout from the rooftops, but it is a fact of the human condition — which is inconvenient since I deeply believe that satisfying connections are key to a fulfilling life.
I think we don’t talk about it because we think that feeling lonely is indicative of a deeper problem. If we feel lonely, then something must be wrong with us. If we don’t have the friendships or connections we want in our lives, we think that it’s because we’re unloveable and not good enough, but that couldn’t be further from the truth!
Indeed, you can feel lonely whether you have 100 friends or 1 friend. Alternatively, you can feel deeply fulfilled with your connections whether you have 1 friend or 100 friends. (Let’s be real 100 friends is a lot to keep up with!) Loneliness isn’t an indicator of your worth, it’s simply one of the many emotions we feel, and — as with any emotion — it can either signify faulty thinking internally or a deeper desire that needs to be addressed externally in our lives.
Feeling lonely doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, it’s an alert to either fix your thinking or address a physical circumstance.
The quote that starts this post illustrates a magnificent point. We often feel lonely when we’re not expressing what our soul deeply wants to express. It’s hard to feel connected to those around you when you’re not allowing your true self to be seen. You can have 10 conversations in a day talking about things that you don’t care about and you’ll likely feel lonelier than a day where the only conversation you have is with a good friend or your therapist, where you’re sharing the deepest emotions of your heart.
Loneliness was already on the rise before Covid-19 forced us all to spend more time solo, and now that we’ve been shut inside for 6 months, it’s something that we all need to be intentional about combatting.
I read somewhere that loneliness is a sign that we’re craving more attention from ourself. A great philosophy with any emotion is to first give yourself whatever it is that you’re craving from others. Once you’ve given it to yourself, then you can go out and give what you wish to receive. I feel most connected, grounded and full of love when I’ve filled my own cup. Then once my cup is full, I can then go out and spread that love to others.
Give yourself whatever it is that you’re craving from others. Once your cup is full then you can go out and initiate good karma by giving what you wish to receive.
Craving affection? Lavish yourself in body oil and give yourself compliments. Craving attention? Sit in meditation, journal, do your nails, hair and/or makeup. Craving fun? Watch a funny TV show or YouTube video, go for a bike ride, or dance to your favorite music.
Of course, we’re always welcome to reach out to others when feeling lonely but I find that connecting to myself first improves my interactions with others. It’s a powerful practice to acknowledge that I’m never truly alone, I always have my own back first and foremost.
Below are some ideas for your loneliness toolkit. I hope they inspire you the next time you’re feeling a wave of loneliness.
These ideas came from a journaling session I did one day when I was feeling especially lonely and I encourage you to do some journaling of your own around the topic. Ask yourself: How can I feel more connected? and listen for the answers that come through.
Remember that we often look outside of ourselves for actions to take in order to create a desired feeling, but if we flip that approach on its head and seek the feeling first, then we can gain what we wanted most of all with much more ease.
Loneliness Toolkit (in a pandemic and at all times)
- Comment on a social media post
- Rate and review a podcast you love
- Engage in a facebook group or other online community related to your interests
- Call a friend
- Make plans for an outdoor distanced hang
- Send a prayer about someone you love
- Do a lovingkindness meditation
- Write a love letter or gratitude list
- Send a voice note to a beloved
- Plan a zoom or Houseparty hang
- Plan a viewing party of a show or movie on your favorite streaming platform
- Prioritize intimacy with deeper conversation topics (Try We’re Not Really Strangers)
- Practice intimacy with yourself through journaling & shadow work
- Receive every emotion with “what is it that I need in this moment?”
- Stay open to new connections
- Sign up for lunchclub and expand your network
- Take an online workshop and engage in the comments
- Be kind to yourself (instead of strict and punishing)
- Don’t jump to fix it mode. Allow things to be for a bit & allow answers to come
- Be vulnerable and share your feelings honestly
- Sit with yourself and be the curious observer
- Practice Yoga (especially one for self care)
- Breathe deeply
- Pamper yourself
- Think of the larger collective
- Look for small joys (I love spotting butterflies and flowers)
- Cheer on your friends
- Make a point to share when others inspire you
- Give love and kindness away
- Relax and release
. . .
Sending you love and kindness on your journey! Let me know if any of these help and if you come up with other ways to combat loneliness! Always remember that no emotion is good or bad. Emotions are simply pieces of information that let us know what we specifically think or need in any given moment.
Share your tips and tricks in the comments so we can all learn and grow together. ❤️ And if you’re longing to join a community that’s into having deep and meaningful conversations, join the brightly tribe and sign up for our newsletter :).
